Coping as a Starving Artist

I often pause to reflect on how I got this far in my writing career. I would reflect on the times that I've felt ashamed of working at a job that had nothing to do with writing. I would reflect on the sleepless nights where I would lay in bed and wonder what I was going to do with my life. While everyone else around me had plans of their own (i.e. relationships, internships, etc.), I was determined to jumpstart a writing career once I got out of high school.

So now, you may being asking, How did you learn the term "starving artist"? And here's my answer: I learned that term in college.
Every single writing teacher that I had in college would tell me and the rest of the class that it's hard to make it as a writer, unless you knew the right people and did a lot of research.
I was attending a seminar during my undergraduate years at the University of the Incarnate Word. They had us sit in groups of four or five. I was at a table with three other people, and we were going around the table and talking about what our short-term and long-term goals were. When it was my turn to speak, I told them that one of my long-term goals was to publish a book. And somewhere in my explanation, I said something like, "I want to go from starving artist to well-known."
That was when someone in the group said, "Oh, not a well-known starving artist?" (It was a joke, but at the time, I wasn't having it.)
But that brought up an interesting point: If it was going to take a while to "jumpstart" my writing career (to publish a book), what was I going to do in the meantime? At the time of that seminar at UIW, I was working as a student assistant at its library (the best job I've ever had in my life so far), and I had already made it a point to never EVER work at a job that was similar to my job as an usher at a movie theater. But the point is, while writing your book, you need to make money in the meantime. It may seem hard to expand your horizons, but you have to pay bills, buy groceries, etc.

So fast-forwarding to this year (2019), here's what has happened with me since that seminar at UIW:
1. I graduate UIW with a Bachelor's degree (2015)
2. I work as a cashier at a zoo for 2.5 months (HATED it)
3. I went to OLLU (2015-2018), and graduated with a Master's degree
4. I work as a substitute teacher from August 2017 to April 2018 (HATED that, too)
5. I publish my first book in August 2018
6. I start this year with not a lot of money to my name
Everything that I thought was going to happen... well, it happened. I was forced to do jobs that I had promised myself that I wouldn't do; I was finding myself broke, because my side jobs/gigs (i.e. online tutoring) weren't paying a lot; and I was getting very frustrated that I wasn't doing enough to promote my book Dolphin Princess. After creating a Facebook page, and a blog, to promote my book, nothing has happened so far.

The best thing I can do now is work towards that long-term goal of getting out of "starving artist" status. But more importantly, I want to be that person that people could look up to. I see that my younger sister is working two jobs and going to school; and I see my twin sister working and being a mom to three (and soon four) kids. But me? I'm sitting here writing this blog post with nothing to show for. Nothing. I may have published a book, but deep down, I'm frustrated. Sure, I've made mistakes; I should've done things differently--I should've pursued other opportunities in my life, but I was so set on starting a career in writing books that I've lost sight of what I really wanted in life. If I was allowed in go back in time and do things differently, then I would.

Now, as much as I would reflect on all of this, I have to take full responsibility for my actions.
At this point, I just have to go with the flow. I can't be sad all the time, because it's not worth my time. And besides, I'm too busy in my life to be sad.

TO BUY MY BOOK: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/dolphin-princess-veronica-gonzalez/1129202183

Veronica Gonzalez